The primary responsibility of a kid is – or at least, should be – to play. Yes, the kid will eventually have homework, extracurricular stuff, and so on; but from toddler to adolescence, they should be given the freedom just to have fun.
Peter Gray, a child psychologist and professor at Boston College, states “Children learn the most important lessons in life from other children, not from adults…they cannot learn, or are much are much less likely to learn, in interactions with adults.”
So, tell them to “go outside and play!”
Kid’s brains develop at an extraordinary rate during early childhood. When they see and hear about adult-like problems, and uncertainties, the child’s delicate psychological state can be negatively affected; potentially making them worried and insecure.
Children should not hear stressful conversations from adults – it is most definitely not the time.
The pressure to succeed in today’s society can make it enticing to instill an early sense of competitiveness – and some adults do so by comparing them to someone else. Sometimes, adults will also point out desirable personality traits in another child, hoping to duplicate them in the other.
Researchers say that such comparative tendencies can adversely affect a child’s confidence and sense of self.
Pointing out the obvious – a child is not very mature. Almost every kid will have spontaneous outbursts of anger, envy, sadness, etc. This behavior presents a good learning opportunity for the adult.
Dr. John Gottman at the University of Washington cites the popular tendency of adults to address a child’s perceived “misbehavior” – their negative emotions – by doling out some punishment. A better way is to acknowledge the behavior by teaching the child that everyone experiences negative emotions, and finding ways to teaching the child how to deal with their emotions constructively.
The child is going to reach the age when he or she knows that hard work is needed to get ahead. It is important, then, to recognize when the child pushes themselves to accomplish something.
Talking about cognitive tasks during childhood, Dr. Carol S. Dweck at Stanford says: “Our message to parents is to focus on the process the child engages in, such as trying hard or focusing on the task – what specific things they’re doing rather than ‘you’re so smart, you’re so good at this…what (the adult) does early matters.”
Having a variety of things that a family does together is a good sign of a stable household; with stability being an important aspect of childhood development.
According to the Child Development Institute, having regular family time induces five main benefits: the child feels important and loved; the child observes positive adult traits; adults can observe and learn more about their child’s weaknesses to guide them better; the child can verbalize their thoughts and feelings, and the parent and child develop a stronger bond.
Children require a certain amount of supervision; yet, adults can overdo it by monitoring their every move. This “overparenting,” however, is counterproductive to development.
Researchers, in an article published in the Journal of Psychologists and Counsellors in Schools, write: “Does an extreme attentiveness to a child and their imagined needs and issues, encourage parents to reduce their demands on their child, resulting in the child rarely facing adverse situations, learning to cope, and acquiring resilience, maturity , and other essential life skills? The current study raises the disturbing possibility that the answer is yes.”
Expanding on the last point, it is important to allow children to complete responsibilities (e.g. chores, homework) without micromanaging them.
Why? According to child psychologists, an excessive amount of oversight can manifest into the child developing an “I can’t do this alone” attitude. While some attention – and even, discipline – is necessary for a child to recognize the consequences of abdicating responsibility, inordinate supervision is ineffectual.
In a multi-experiment study undertaken by two Harvard professors, adults who recalled good childhood memories “(seemed) to summon a heightened sense of moral purity.”
Researchers note the participants “were more likely to help the experimenters with an extra task, judge unethical behavior harshly and donate money to charity when they had actively remembered their childhood.”
So, in creating happy memories for the child, you may be preparing them to be happy and benevolent adults.
Children learn by what they see and hear, for better or worse. If an adult exhibits positive behavior, the child is more likely to reciprocate. According to Carolyn Cowan, a psychologist at the University of California: “children do not fare well if the adults aren’t taking care of themselves and their relationships.” Source