You never appreciate what you have until it is gone sometimes. Some people never appreciate you even when you are gone. They are so self-serving and self-centered that anything that isn’t of direct and immediate benefit to them does not even appear on their radar. They are so in love with themselves that there is none left over for you. No matter how hard you try, no matter how flexible or understanding you are and no matter how much you love them, they will never ever change who they are. They will not magically wake up some day and fully appreciate what a wonderful person they are with.
They will never embrace your love and reciprocate it because after their enormous love of self, they have nothing left over for you. All of their time, interest, love and affections are turned inward on themselves. Like a black hole, they suck you in and devour the emotions of everyone around them.
They break your trust and they lie to you.
They never tell you where they are going or who they are seeing. They are living a double life and using you to support the other. They lie to you because you are not important to them. Only they are important to themselves.
Everyone else is to be used and discarded in order to further their pleasure. They don’t love you enough to be honest with you and they are not considerate enough to end one relationship before starting another.
People in a mutually loving relationship, to some extent, are givers. They give their time, resources, love and space to their partners. With a giver, everyone is taken care of and happy. With a taker, only one half of the relationship is giving everything while the other partner mooches off them. Like a black hole, they suck in resources and give nothing back in return. It is a one way street with them. It is either their way or the highway. You need someone who can accept that you are your own person with your own desires, emotions and needs. You need someone who gives back to the relationship more than they take away from it.
They are so wrapped up in their own life and desires that you are unimportant in their internal world. Most of the time, that is kept inside their own heads. When they are emotionally unstable or upset, that lack of respect leaks through in belittling comments. It is one thing to tease your partner a bit and be teased in return, but when they are mean-spirited comments solely intended to hurt you, it is time to go. Someone who loves and respects you isn’t going to tear you down and they certainly would never think of doing it in front of other people. A black hole, however, will tear you apart and break you down because that is in their nature.
They cannot be counted on to support you or to be where they are supposed to be, when they are supposed to be. These black holes live in their own world and cannot see past their own massive ego. They will forget important dates. They will miss special activities like your children’s sporting events or plays because they are wrapped up their world. If you need them, they will not be there for you because it is an inconvenience to them. You need someone you can count on to be there when it matters. You are there for them, so why can’t they be there for you?
You are a team. You will succeed or fail together. If one person on the team wins, then the team as a whole wins. We perform as individuals but win as a team, or at least, that is the way it should be. A black hole is called a singularity for a reason. Nothing can get close to them without being destroyed in the process. These people are so self-oriented that they need to win in order to puff up their own ego – an ego so fragile that it cannot stand seeing someone else do well even if it’s their significant other. You need someone who is pulling in the same direction as you and is willing to put in the effort to see the team succeed, even when they will get no glory from it.