We men are not great at expressing our emotions in words. We are more comfortable with deeds and actions than trying to express complex emotional states we are already uncomfortable examining. We are raised to be strong and unshakable bastions of safety that our friends, family and lovers can retreat to when they are in pain or danger. Being vulnerable and open is difficult for us, but not impossible. It is fairly obvious when we have opened the castle gates of our hearts and let someone in.
Here are some signs that you live in that heart castle.
In a culture of superficial beauty and disposable relationships, when a man truly loves a woman, he loves all of her, not just her beauty. He loves her for her who she is. He loves her flaws as well as her virtues. He respects her decisions and her choices in life.
When a man loves a woman, it isn’t enough to be successful on your own; you also want her to be successful in whatever she chooses to do. He is her biggest fan and most vocal cheerleader. He believes in her and what she can accomplish. He lets everyone know how awesome she is.
A man places himself between danger and that which he loves. He shields his woman not just from physical harm, but also emotional traumas. Always vigilant and always on guard, he is ready at a moment’s notice to place himself in harm’s way. He does not raise his hands against those he loves. It would never cross his mind.
When times are tough or there is a tough decision to make, a man steps up and takes action. He does not shift the responsibility to others. He steps up and takes responsibility. He steps up and makes the sacrifice when necessary. His personal comforts and safety are secondary considerations. When things go wrong, he takes the blame and the responsibility for making things right again.
When a man loves you, your opinions matter to him. He may not give a flying #$&@ at a rolling donut what anyone else on earth thinks, but what you think of him matters greatly. What you think about political, religious or business matters matter to him. What you think you two should paint the bedroom matters to him. Your opinions on all things great and small are important to him.
When you speak, he stops what he is doing to listen to you. What you have to say is important to him, even if it is trivial day to day stuff. He pays attention to you because you are the most important person in his world.
He remembers things like your favorite color, how you like your coffee or what types of books you are into. He remembers because you are important to him. It may seem trivial to you, but to him, you are the focus of his world. He is your biggest fan and remembering how you like your ice cream is just natural.
If you need him, he will stop what he is doing and go out of his way to help you. He will drive an hour to fix your printer that isn’t working and then drive back an hour to go to work. You are important to him, so he will find a way to make it happen. It is no trouble. It is an act of devotion.
When a man is secure in his love for you, then he has no problem with you hanging out with your girlfriends for the evening. He is not clingy and demanding of your time. He understands you are busy and have a life of your own. We all need our time apart with our friends to do the things we are passionate about.
When you have to travel for work or to visit family, he misses you when you are gone. He thinks about you while you are away and will send goofy little notes to let you know you are on his mind. He will be glad and excited to see you when you get back as well.
If you are hurting, then he is hurting as well. It is like he can physically feel your pain. We men are meant to protect our mates, and if they are hurting, then we have somehow failed in protecting them. We want to soothe their pain and shield them from harm. We don’t want to see those we love hurt.